Joking around

Top Joke in Australia


A young man went to his father one day to tell him that
He wanted to get married.

His father was happy for him. He asked his son who the
Girl was, and he told him that it was Samantha, a girl from
The neighborhood.

With a sad face the old man said to his son,
''I'm sorry to say this son but I have to. The
Girl you want to marry is your sister, but please don't tell your mother.''

The young man again brought three more names to his
Father but ended up frustrated because the response was
Still the same.

So he decides to go to his mother.
''Mom I want to get married but all the girls that
I love, dad said they are my sisters and I mustn't tell you.''

His mother smiling said to him,
''Don't worry my son, you can marry any of
Those girls. You're not his son.
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Ah Beng, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire himself out as a handyman and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

Beng said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told him that the paint and ladders that he might need were in the garage.

The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does he realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "He should. He was standing on the porch."
A short time later, Ah Beng came to the door to collect his money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," Ah Beng answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," Ah Beng added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Fellali."
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SMILE

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to show them what has happened. A Detective Inspector is sent and is taken to the first body.

'Clinton, 60, died of heart failure whilst in bed with his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,' says the Coroner.

The DI is taken to the second dead man. Kent, 70, made a pile from government funds, and spent it all on whiskey. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile.
'Nothing unusual here', thinks the DI, and asks to be shown the last body.

Ah,' says the coroner. 'This is the most unusual one. Micheal, 75, struck by lightning.'

'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector.
To which the coroner replies, 'He thought he was having his picture taken.'
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THE FIRST MAN IN SPACE

Mugabe finally sends his men into space courtesy of the Russians. Finally, after months of training, the astronaut and a chimpanzee are blasted off into space.

Once in orbit, the astronaut waits for instructions. The screen flickers and the instructions are flashed on it:

"Chimpanzee, execute space maneuver No. 23B"

The chimp takes over flight control and carries out the maneuver. The astronaut is impressed but patient... he knows his instructions will come and they'll probably be more complex than what the chimp just did.

The screen flickers again and more instructions appear:

"Chimpanzee, carry out scientific experiment No. 234"

The chimp goes to the lab and mixes chemicals and carries out all sorts of complex scientific experiments. While he's doing this, the astronaut is impatient. He speaks to Ground Control through the communication link: "Eh Control, how come I got nothing to do man... train for so long but the monyet does all the important work but I'm smarter than the monyet"

Finally Ground Control responds: "Be patient, your instructions are coming soon"

Finally, the monkey rejoins the astronaut and they wait for the instructions from the screen.

The screen flickers and the message appears....

"Prepare for new instructions...."

A small door under the screen opens. Inside, there is a compartment with a wrapped item inside.....

"Mr astronaut, remove the item and unwrap then wait for further instructions"

The astronaut unwraps the item and finds a banana inside. "Must be biogenetic banana" he thinks...

The screen flickers again....

"Mrastronaut please feed the monkey