Orang gila main bola

Ada 26 orang gila, mereka akan menjalani ujian kesihatan di Amerika. Mereka dibawa dengan menggunakan pesawat Hercules yang besar.

Ketika di udara, orang-orang gila itu terlalu bising kerana bermain bola di dalam pesawat. Kapten pesawat marah dan menyuruh co-pilotnya untuk menenangkan mereka.

"Hoi! Bising sangat nie! Jangan main bola di dalam kapalterbang!!!" bentak co-pilot kepada orang-orang gila tersebut.

Akhirnya situasi menjadi tenang. Tapi lama-kelamaan, Kapten curiga karena situasinya terlalu tenang. Dia menyuruh lagi co-pilotnya untuk memeriksa keadaan di belakang.

Ketika co-pilot datang, dia terkejut setengah mati! Orang gilanya tinggal 4 orang!!!

"Hei, kamu semua! Kenapa tinggal 4 orang sahaja? Yang lain ke mana?"

"Habis... tak boleh main bola di dalam kapalterbang, jadi mereka main bola di luar la."

"HAH?! Habis tu kenapa kamu semua masih berada di dalam?"

"Kan kami nie pemain simpanan...".

Boat For Sale

Boat for Sale

Want to buy a boat? Think about this "island yacht", and make sure I should be invited to its inaugural sailing...

Yes you read it right, a whole amazing island built right on a beautiful yacht. Created by UK-based yacht design company Yacht Island Designs, bringing a whole island onto a yacht.

The design as you can see is inspired by tropical islands, with huts, a pool and to top of that, a whole volcano that is sure not to erupt. Since this is a yacht, it comes packed with special VIP rooms, arcades, gym, lounges, spas and even a helipad. The volcano adds a lot of beauty to the whole look of the yacht, it also happens to have water flowing out of it onto the pool creating this amazing river complementing the whole tropical look.

The back of the yacht has a retractable beach deck where structures float on the sea making the sea accessible to swim in and of course grant access to various water activities such as wake boarding and jet-skis. The whole concept is pure genius and the result looks even better.

Egg Whites... Who Knew?

BURNS

A young man sprinkling his lawn and bushes with pesticides wanted to check the contents of the barrel to see how much pesticide remained in it. He raised the cover and lit his lighter; the vapors ignited and engulfed him. He jumped from his truck, screaming.

His neighbor came out of her house with a dozen eggs and a bowl yelling: "bring me some more eggs!"
She broke them, separating the whites from the yolks.
The neighbor woman helped her to apply the whites onto the young man's face.

When the ambulance arrived and the EMTs saw the young man, they asked who had done this. Everyone pointed to the lady in charge. They congratulated her and said: "You have saved his face." By the end of the summer, the young man brought the lady a bouquet of roses to thank her. His face was like a baby's skin.

A Healing Miracle for Burns:


Keep in mind this treatment of burns is being included in teaching beginner fireman.

First Aid consists of first spraying cold water on the affected area until the heat is reduced which stops the continued burning of all layers of the skin.

Then, spread the egg whites onto the affected area.

One woman burned a large part of her hand with boiling water. In spite of the pain, she ran cold faucet water on her hand, separated 2 egg whites from the yolks, beat them slightly and dipped her hand in the solution. The whites then dried and formed a protective layer.

She later learned that the egg white is a natural collagen and continued during at least one hour to apply layer upon layer of beaten egg white. By afternoon she no longer felt any pain and the next day there was hardly a trace of the burn.

10 days later, no trace was left at all and her skin had regained its normal color. The burned area was totally regenerated thanks to the collagen in the egg whites, a placenta full of vitamins.

Since this information could be helpful to everyone: Won't you please pass it on?

Love this Doctor!

Q : Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.


Q : Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q : How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q : What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q : Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q : Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q : Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q : Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

KEMESRAAN SELEPAS PERKAHWINAN

Sebelum Tido:

6 minggu: selamat tido sayaaang, mimpi indah2 ya, mmmuach.
6 bulan: tolong matikan lampu tu, silau aah.
6 tahun : Sana sikit lah... tido kalau tak mengepit tak bole
ker???!

Pakai Toilet:

6 minggu: tak apa, u masuk ler dulu, i tak kisaaahhhh
6 bulan: masih lama lagi ke nih?
6 tahun: brug! brug! brug!(suara pintu digegar), kalau nak
bertapa pi lah gunung ledang sana !!

Balas SMS:

6 minggu: iye sayang, jap lagi i sampai rumah, sayang, i belikan
murtabak favourite u ye sayang..
6 bulan:trafik jam aah
6 tahun:k..

Dating process:

6 minggu: I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 bulan: Of course I love U.
6 tahun : Iyalah!! kalau i tak cintakan u, buat apa i nikah ngan u??

Pulang Keje:

6 minggu: Sayaaang, i dah balik nih...
6 bulan : I'm BACK!!
6 tahun:Oi...tak dengar orang balik ker??

Hadiah (ulang tahun):

6 minggu :Sayang, i harap u suka cincin yang i beli untuk u ni
6 bulan :I beli lukisan, nampak sesuai dengan suasana ruang tamu, takpun kt tangga pun ok
6 tahun : Nih duit, u beli sendiri lah apa yg u nak, nanti kalau i belikan u tak berkenan lak

Telefon:

6 minggu:Baby, ada yang ingin berbual ngan u di telefon nih
6 bulan :Eh...your call...
6 tahun :WOOIII TELFON BUNYI TUUUHHH.... ANGKAT AAAAAHHH!!! takder dengar ker?

Masakan:

6 minggu:Wah, tak sangka i, pandai u masak. rasa pun sedapppppp.. ...!!!
6 bulan:Kita makan apa malam ini??
6 tahun:HAH!! lauk aper lak ari ni, cam lauk kemarin jer!!

Memaafkan:

6 minggu:Sudahlah, tak apa, dah pecah pun, nanti kita beli lagi yang lain,ye
6 bulan:Hati-hati! Nanti jatuh tuh.
6 tahun:Nak pecahkan lagi ler tu, tak paham2 betul!!

Baju baru:

6 minggu:Aduh sayang, u seperti bidadari dengan dress tu
6 bulan: Lah.. beli baju baru lagi?
6 tahunAH BERAPA RIBU HABIS BELI BAJU TU, tula yang lama dah tak muat ler tu???

Merancangkan Holiday:

6 minggu: Macam mana kalau kita jalan-jalan ke Amerika atau ke tempat yg u nak, honey?
6 bulan:Kita ke Bukit Bintang aje ler ....senang sikit nak parking...
6 tahun:JALAN- JALAN?? DUDUK RUMAH AJE TAK BOLEH KE? BUANG DUIT JER!

Tonton TV:

6 minggu:Baby, kita nak tengok cite apa malam ini ?
6 bulan : Saya nak tengok bola live kol 9.00 karang
6 tahun: JANGAN TUKAR2 CHANNEL BOLE TAK!!

daily jokes

The Nurse was taking a blood sample from Sardar.
She held his finger and squeezed for the blood.
So the Sardar laughed.
Nurse: Why did you laugh
Sardar: After this it is the urine test

..........................................

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

....................................................

This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes.
"Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."

You Sea You Smile

now days kentut pun have to pay you know.

this is the most bizzare photo i ever encounter in FB.

credit to thos who find time to snap this photo.

it is a trend for FB user to announce their emotion, feeling, experience etc in their FB.

Please handle with care your FB acc.

on of the sign i always found that been ignored by petrol pam patrons

For all ManU FC

What more to comment...hehheeh

Petua Untuk Hapuskan Kutu Rambut

Petua Untuk Hapuskan Kutu Rambut

1. Ambil 4 ulas bawang putih dan tumbuk hingga lumat.

2. Kemudian gaulkan bersama 3 sudu makan minyak kelapa.

3. Lumurkan rata pada keseluruhan rambut dan biarkan selama lebih kurang 15 minit.

4. Selepas itu sikat dengan penyikat kutu.

Two Monks and a pretty Lady

Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river.

There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river.

The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back to which the lady accepted.

The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk and was thinking "How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?" But he kept quiet.

The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her.

All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation.

Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk. "How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty?"

All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite.

The big monk looked surprised and said, "I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?"

Moral: This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away. There is no point in remaining hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over. Learn to move on in life!