Dedicated specially to all golfers

During my recent physical, my doctor asked me about my daily activity level, and so I described a typical day this way:

"Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded along the edge of a lake, drank eight beers, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake and took four leaks behind big trees.

Inspired by the story, the doctor said, "You must be one hell of an out doors man."

"No," I replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."

Dedicated specially to all golfers

The Old German Shepherd

An old German Shepherd dog starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep shit now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says,

"Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

Bull Shit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Anti Exam Cheating

Maybe our uni have to look into this new and innovative technology. So many 'toyol' and sms and bbm flying around during exam. Hihih

Saya Sayang Awak Versi Sekarang

Awak ni bagaikan TV3 dalam diri saya, "sentiasa menjadi inspirasi hidupku"..

Bila berjauhan dengan awak, saya tak kesah sebab awak ini kan TV9, "dekat di hati"..

Awak nak tahu tak? Bila saya dekat dengan awak, saya rasa tenang sangat macam NTV7, "i feel good"..

Walau apa-apa pun yang berlaku, saya harap lepas ini hubungan kita macam radio HOT FM, "lebih hangat dari biasa"..
Orang selalu cakap manusia ini umpama ASTRO, "mcm2 ade"..

Tapi saya harap sangat bila saya ada masalah, awak tak jd mcm NABIL, "lu pikir la sendiri"."̮

ƗƗɐƗƗɐƗƗɐ "̮ ƗƗɐƗƗɐƗƗɐ "̮

The Moral

Women: Just enjoy the story....... Men: Please take time to ponder.....

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

The question was: 'What do women really want?'

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man. And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but first he would have to agree to her price.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, and Arthur's closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden.

But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the reservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: 'What a woman really wants?' She said, 'A woman wants to be in charge of her own life.'

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth, and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was.

The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen was sitting by the bed.

The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened. The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth become her horrible and deformed self only half the time, and be the beautiful maiden the other half.

'Which would you prefer?' She asked him. 'Beautiful during the day .... or at night?'
Lancelot pondered the predicament.

During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends,
but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!
Or,
Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?
But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous moments with?

(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be?

(If you are a woman reading this...) What would YOUR MAN'S choice be?

And Lancelot's choice is given below...
BUT... please make YOUR choice first before you scroll down below... ?
Knowing the answer the witch gave to Arthur for his question,
Sir Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time..
Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now... what is the moral to this story?

..... The moral is...

1) There is 'witch' in every woman, no matter how beautiful she is!
2) If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly!

So, be careful how you treat a woman and always remember:

IT IS EITHER ' HER WAY ' OR ' NO WAY ' !!

Salah terjemah??

Aduss...macam mana rasanya makan ayam sunat nee??

‎9 MONTHS LATER!!!

‎9 MONTHS LATER!!!

Steve decided to go skiing with his buddy, JK. So they loaded up Steve's people-carrier and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbours will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Steve said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, JK got an unexpected letter from a lawyer. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the lawyer of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Steve and asked, 'Steve, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' Said Steve.

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Steve said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my full name instead of telling her your name?'

Steve's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yes, look, I'm sorry mate. I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.' ! !

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you?... You know you smiled...now keep that smile for the rest of the day!) .

SENIOR BUS TOUR

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up.

After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts.

She repeats this gesture about five more times.

When she is about to hand him another batch again ....he asks the little old lady,
'Why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?'.

'We can't chew them because we've no teeth', she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, 'Why do you buy them then?'

The old lady replied, 'We just love the chocolate around them.'

Cerita Huruf 'P'...

Paklong Punya Pasal, Pagi-Pagi Pakngah Pergi Pasar. Paklong Pesan Pulut Panggang. Parking Pulak Punyalah Payah. Pakngah Pun Pelik, Pasal Pulak Pagi-Pagi Payah Parking. Pakngah Pun Pusing-Pusing Perhati Parking. Pusing Punya Pusing, Pakngah Pun Pening. Penyudahnya Pakngah Parking Pinggir Parit.

Pening-Pening Pun Perut Pakngah Perlu Penuh. Pakngah Pun Pergilah Pekena Pasembor. Pasembor Pulak Punyalah Pedas. Pergh ! Pedas-Pedas Pun Pakngh Pulun. Pakngah Pulun Pelan-Pelan Pasal Pedas. Pastu Pakngah Pun Pulang.

Pakngah Pulang Punyalah Panas. Pakngah Pun Pasang Penyejuk. Pasang Penyejuk Pun Panas. Pakngah Pun Pelik Pasal Pulak Panas. Pakngah Pun Periksa Penyejuk. Patutlah Panas, Penyejuknya Palsu. Pakngah Pun Pergi Pulangkan Penyejuk Pada Peniaga. Pokemon Punya Peniaga!

Pikir Punya Pikir Pakngah Putuskan Pelihara Puyu. Pakngah Perlukan Peruntukan. Permohonan Peruntukan Pulak Punyalah Panjang Prosesnya. Prosedurnya Pun Payah. Pagi Petang Pakngah Panjat Pejabat Pegawai Perikanan. Pakngah Pun Pedap. Penyudahnya Pakngah Pinjam Paklong .

Pinjam Paklong Pun Paedahnya Pat Persen. Pat Persen Pun, Pat Persenlah. Puyu Punya Pasal, Pedulilah. Projek Pelihara Puyu Perlukan Pondok. Pakngah Pun Perbaiki Pondok Pakngah. Pakngah Paku Papan ... Pung Pang Pung Pang Pung Pang Pung Pang Pung Pang Pung Pang Pung Pang Pung Pang .....

Pengetuk Paku Pulak Patah Patah. Pedulikan Pasal Pengetuk Paku Patah. Pikir Pulak Pasal Perkara-Perkara Penting. Pasal Pimpinan PM, Pasal Pilihanraya, Pasal Pembangunan, Pasal Perpaduan, Pasal Pendidikan, Pasal Perundangan, Pasal Perjalanan Parlimen, Pasal Perairan, Pasal Palestin, Pasal Peluang Perniagaan Pabila Puasa ... Pup .... Pelita Padam !

3 headed snake

The snake in the center of attraction for obvious reason. Received through bbm and can't confirm it authenticity and it location.

A freak of nature indeed.