roll call

Attendance roll call, on the first day back at school in Birmingham UK.
The teacher takes the roll call:

"Mustafa El Ekh Zeri?"
"Here."

"Achmed El Kabul?"
"Here."

"Fatima Al Chadoury? "
"Here."

"Abdul Alu Ohlmi?"
"Here."

"Mohammed Ibn Achrha?"
"Here."

"Mi Cha El Mey Er?" Silence in the classroom.

"Mi Cha El Mey Er?"

Continued silence as everyone looked around the room. She asked,
"Is there any child here called Mi Cha El Mey Er ?"

A boy puts his hand up and says, "Sorry teacher. I think that's me..It's pronounced Michael Meyer."

GOD HELP BRITAIN

Good one

An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,

'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
'
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
'Like heck they're getting divorced,'
she shouts,'I'll take care of this.'

She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for our anniversary and paying their own airfare!!'

MORAL:
No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.
The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.
OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.

David Lettermans Top 10 Reasons why Golf is better than Sex...

#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.

#09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.

#08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.

#07... Foursomes are encouraged.

#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.

#05... Three times a day is possible.

#04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.

#03... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.

#02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.

And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex......

#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!

BILL GATES in a restaurant

BILL GATES in a restaurant

After eating, he gave 5$ to the waiter as a tip.

The waiter had a strange feeling on his face after the tip.

Gates realized & asked. What happened?

Waiter: I'm just amazed because on the same table your son gave Tip Of... 500$...and you as his Father, one of the richest man in the world only gave 5$...?

Gates Smiled & Replied With Meaningful words:

"He is Son of the world's richest man, but i am the son of a wood cutter..."

Irishman

One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist.

"Could you taste this for me, please?"

The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.

"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.

"No, not at all," says the chemist.

"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy.

"The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."

Retirement

End your week with a SMILE, and happy weekend

Retirement

Bob decided to retire at 60. After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him.

She suggested he go and do something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby. Bob obliged and went out for a couple of hours.

When he got home his wife asked about his day and he replied, "Oh, I just went down to the park and hung out with the guys. And oh yeah, I joined a parachute club"

"What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"

"Yeah, look I even got a membership card."

"You crazy old man, where's your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"

"Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed up & have paid for 4 jumps a week!"

Wish to be there now

Genius

THE STUDENT OBTAINED 0% ON THIS EXAM

HE SHOULD BE COMMENDED
This student is a Genius!

He got all the answers right and yet he scored 0% !

I would have given him 100%

Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
** his last battle*

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
** at the bottom of the page*

Q3. River Ganges flows in which state?
** liquid*

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
** marriage*

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
** exams*

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
** Lunch & dinner*

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* *The other half*

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
** It will simply become wet*

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* *No problem, he sleeps at night.*

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* *You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..*

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* *Very large hands*

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take
four men to build it?
** No time at all, the wall is already built.*

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
**Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack**