Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Sunday talk
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...
(I love it when I make you smile...and I KNOW you are smiling)
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...
(I love it when I make you smile...and I KNOW you are smiling)
Thursday, August 16, 2012
"The Scottish Brothel"
The madam opened the brothel door in Milngavie and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you sir?" she asked.
The man replied, "I want to see Suzy."
"Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else" , said the madam.
He replied, "No, I must see Suzy."
Just then, Suzy appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Suzy.
Suzy explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.
"There are no discounts. The price is still £5000."
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Suzy and they went upstairs.
After their session, Suzy said to the man,
"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.
Where are you from?"
The man replied, " Edinburgh."
"Really," she said. "I have family in Edinburgh ..."
"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her Lawyer
She asked me to give you your £15,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
"May I help you sir?" she asked.
The man replied, "I want to see Suzy."
"Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else" , said the madam.
He replied, "No, I must see Suzy."
Just then, Suzy appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Suzy.
Suzy explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.
"There are no discounts. The price is still £5000."
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Suzy and they went upstairs.
After their session, Suzy said to the man,
"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.
Where are you from?"
The man replied, " Edinburgh."
"Really," she said. "I have family in Edinburgh ..."
"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her Lawyer
She asked me to give you your £15,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
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