Orang gila main bola

Ada 26 orang gila, mereka akan menjalani ujian kesihatan di Amerika. Mereka dibawa dengan menggunakan pesawat Hercules yang besar.

Ketika di udara, orang-orang gila itu terlalu bising kerana bermain bola di dalam pesawat. Kapten pesawat marah dan menyuruh co-pilotnya untuk menenangkan mereka.

"Hoi! Bising sangat nie! Jangan main bola di dalam kapalterbang!!!" bentak co-pilot kepada orang-orang gila tersebut.

Akhirnya situasi menjadi tenang. Tapi lama-kelamaan, Kapten curiga karena situasinya terlalu tenang. Dia menyuruh lagi co-pilotnya untuk memeriksa keadaan di belakang.

Ketika co-pilot datang, dia terkejut setengah mati! Orang gilanya tinggal 4 orang!!!

"Hei, kamu semua! Kenapa tinggal 4 orang sahaja? Yang lain ke mana?"

"Habis... tak boleh main bola di dalam kapalterbang, jadi mereka main bola di luar la."

"HAH?! Habis tu kenapa kamu semua masih berada di dalam?"

"Kan kami nie pemain simpanan...".

Boat For Sale

Boat for Sale

Want to buy a boat? Think about this "island yacht", and make sure I should be invited to its inaugural sailing...

Yes you read it right, a whole amazing island built right on a beautiful yacht. Created by UK-based yacht design company Yacht Island Designs, bringing a whole island onto a yacht.

The design as you can see is inspired by tropical islands, with huts, a pool and to top of that, a whole volcano that is sure not to erupt. Since this is a yacht, it comes packed with special VIP rooms, arcades, gym, lounges, spas and even a helipad. The volcano adds a lot of beauty to the whole look of the yacht, it also happens to have water flowing out of it onto the pool creating this amazing river complementing the whole tropical look.

The back of the yacht has a retractable beach deck where structures float on the sea making the sea accessible to swim in and of course grant access to various water activities such as wake boarding and jet-skis. The whole concept is pure genius and the result looks even better.

Egg Whites... Who Knew?

BURNS

A young man sprinkling his lawn and bushes with pesticides wanted to check the contents of the barrel to see how much pesticide remained in it. He raised the cover and lit his lighter; the vapors ignited and engulfed him. He jumped from his truck, screaming.

His neighbor came out of her house with a dozen eggs and a bowl yelling: "bring me some more eggs!"
She broke them, separating the whites from the yolks.
The neighbor woman helped her to apply the whites onto the young man's face.

When the ambulance arrived and the EMTs saw the young man, they asked who had done this. Everyone pointed to the lady in charge. They congratulated her and said: "You have saved his face." By the end of the summer, the young man brought the lady a bouquet of roses to thank her. His face was like a baby's skin.

A Healing Miracle for Burns:


Keep in mind this treatment of burns is being included in teaching beginner fireman.

First Aid consists of first spraying cold water on the affected area until the heat is reduced which stops the continued burning of all layers of the skin.

Then, spread the egg whites onto the affected area.

One woman burned a large part of her hand with boiling water. In spite of the pain, she ran cold faucet water on her hand, separated 2 egg whites from the yolks, beat them slightly and dipped her hand in the solution. The whites then dried and formed a protective layer.

She later learned that the egg white is a natural collagen and continued during at least one hour to apply layer upon layer of beaten egg white. By afternoon she no longer felt any pain and the next day there was hardly a trace of the burn.

10 days later, no trace was left at all and her skin had regained its normal color. The burned area was totally regenerated thanks to the collagen in the egg whites, a placenta full of vitamins.

Since this information could be helpful to everyone: Won't you please pass it on?

Love this Doctor!

Q : Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.


Q : Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q : How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q : What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain...good!

Q : Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q : Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q : Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q : Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well... I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


And remember:
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans...

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

KEMESRAAN SELEPAS PERKAHWINAN

Sebelum Tido:

6 minggu: selamat tido sayaaang, mimpi indah2 ya, mmmuach.
6 bulan: tolong matikan lampu tu, silau aah.
6 tahun : Sana sikit lah... tido kalau tak mengepit tak bole
ker???!

Pakai Toilet:

6 minggu: tak apa, u masuk ler dulu, i tak kisaaahhhh
6 bulan: masih lama lagi ke nih?
6 tahun: brug! brug! brug!(suara pintu digegar), kalau nak
bertapa pi lah gunung ledang sana !!

Balas SMS:

6 minggu: iye sayang, jap lagi i sampai rumah, sayang, i belikan
murtabak favourite u ye sayang..
6 bulan:trafik jam aah
6 tahun:k..

Dating process:

6 minggu: I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 bulan: Of course I love U.
6 tahun : Iyalah!! kalau i tak cintakan u, buat apa i nikah ngan u??

Pulang Keje:

6 minggu: Sayaaang, i dah balik nih...
6 bulan : I'm BACK!!
6 tahun:Oi...tak dengar orang balik ker??

Hadiah (ulang tahun):

6 minggu :Sayang, i harap u suka cincin yang i beli untuk u ni
6 bulan :I beli lukisan, nampak sesuai dengan suasana ruang tamu, takpun kt tangga pun ok
6 tahun : Nih duit, u beli sendiri lah apa yg u nak, nanti kalau i belikan u tak berkenan lak

Telefon:

6 minggu:Baby, ada yang ingin berbual ngan u di telefon nih
6 bulan :Eh...your call...
6 tahun :WOOIII TELFON BUNYI TUUUHHH.... ANGKAT AAAAAHHH!!! takder dengar ker?

Masakan:

6 minggu:Wah, tak sangka i, pandai u masak. rasa pun sedapppppp.. ...!!!
6 bulan:Kita makan apa malam ini??
6 tahun:HAH!! lauk aper lak ari ni, cam lauk kemarin jer!!

Memaafkan:

6 minggu:Sudahlah, tak apa, dah pecah pun, nanti kita beli lagi yang lain,ye
6 bulan:Hati-hati! Nanti jatuh tuh.
6 tahun:Nak pecahkan lagi ler tu, tak paham2 betul!!

Baju baru:

6 minggu:Aduh sayang, u seperti bidadari dengan dress tu
6 bulan: Lah.. beli baju baru lagi?
6 tahunAH BERAPA RIBU HABIS BELI BAJU TU, tula yang lama dah tak muat ler tu???

Merancangkan Holiday:

6 minggu: Macam mana kalau kita jalan-jalan ke Amerika atau ke tempat yg u nak, honey?
6 bulan:Kita ke Bukit Bintang aje ler ....senang sikit nak parking...
6 tahun:JALAN- JALAN?? DUDUK RUMAH AJE TAK BOLEH KE? BUANG DUIT JER!

Tonton TV:

6 minggu:Baby, kita nak tengok cite apa malam ini ?
6 bulan : Saya nak tengok bola live kol 9.00 karang
6 tahun: JANGAN TUKAR2 CHANNEL BOLE TAK!!

daily jokes

The Nurse was taking a blood sample from Sardar.
She held his finger and squeezed for the blood.
So the Sardar laughed.
Nurse: Why did you laugh
Sardar: After this it is the urine test

..........................................

Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

....................................................

This bartender is in a bar, when this really hot chick walks up and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?" He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss." She then looks at him with a smile, and puts two of her fingers in his mouth...and he begins sucking them, thinking "I'm in!!!" She goes, "Can you give the manager something for me?" The bartender nods...yes.
"Tell him there's no toilet paper in the ladies restroom."

You Sea You Smile

now days kentut pun have to pay you know.

this is the most bizzare photo i ever encounter in FB.

credit to thos who find time to snap this photo.

it is a trend for FB user to announce their emotion, feeling, experience etc in their FB.

Please handle with care your FB acc.

on of the sign i always found that been ignored by petrol pam patrons

For all ManU FC

What more to comment...hehheeh

Petua Untuk Hapuskan Kutu Rambut

Petua Untuk Hapuskan Kutu Rambut

1. Ambil 4 ulas bawang putih dan tumbuk hingga lumat.

2. Kemudian gaulkan bersama 3 sudu makan minyak kelapa.

3. Lumurkan rata pada keseluruhan rambut dan biarkan selama lebih kurang 15 minit.

4. Selepas itu sikat dengan penyikat kutu.

Two Monks and a pretty Lady

Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river.

There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river.

The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back to which the lady accepted.

The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk and was thinking "How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?" But he kept quiet.

The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her.

All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation.

Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk. "How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty?"

All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite.

The big monk looked surprised and said, "I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?"

Moral: This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away. There is no point in remaining hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over. Learn to move on in life!

Penghawa Dingin Kereta

JANGAN Hidupkan Penghawa Dingin Sebaik Menaiki Kereta!:

Harap dapat berkongsi dengan sahabat anda yang lain.


Bukalah tingkap terlebih dahulu sebaik memasuki kereta anda dan jangan sama sekali menghidupkan penghawa dingin. Berpandukan kepada kajian yang dijalankan, dashboard, sofa, pewangi udara menghasilkan Benzene, sejenis toksin yang menyebabkan kanser (carcinogen – ia dapat dikenalpasti melalui bau yang terhasil dari haba bahan plastik di dalam kereta). Disamping menyebabkab kanser, ia juga bertindak sebagai racun bagi tulang, menyebabkan anemia dan mengurangkan sel darah putih. Tindakan ini jika dibiar berlarutan akan menyebabkan Leukemia, meningkatkan risiko menghadapi kanser di samping punca keguguran.


Kadar pendedahan Benzene yang dibenarkan ialah 50 mg bagi setiap kaki persegi. Kereta jika difikir di kawasan berbumbung dengan tingkap tertutup menghasilkan 400-800 mg Benzene. Jika dibiarkan dikawasan yang terdedah dengan tingkap yang tertutup pada suhu 60 darjah fahrenheit, tahap Benzene boleh meningkkat sehingga 2000-4000 mg, iaitu 40 kali dari tahap yang dibenarkan.. . dan penumpang di dalamnya akan menyedut toksik yang berlebih2an secara tidak sedar.


Cara yang dicadangkan untuk mengelakkan perkara ini daripada berterusan ialah dengan membuka tingkap dan pintu terlebih dahulu untuk memberi udara di dalam beredar keluar. Benzene adalah sejenis toksik yang boleh mencemar buah pinggang dan hati, dan sukar pula bagi tubuh manusia untuk menyahkeluarkan toksik tersebut apabila sudah memasuki tubuh kita…

European Shopping Bags

They have a much better sense of humor than we do.
European Plastic Bags

The Gaddafi they are not telling us about

SOME STORY TO THINK ABOUT

Really ? These Americans are good at demonizing people they don't like ( if this true ! ).


HOW MUCH OF THIS IS TRUE?

The international media, influenced by the Americans, has successfully painted Gaddafi as a hard-core dictator, tyrant or whatever you want to call him. However, the media as usual has also failed to show the kind, giving Gaddafi we never heard of. Gaddafi unlike most dictators has managed to show his humane side, the very side we dream of seeing in other dictators.

I consider Libyans lucky to a certain extent and one wonders with the new democratic rule they cry for will it improve or worsen life for them. Yes, Gaddafi has spent millions of Libya`s money on personal ventures but is the average Libyan poor? We know others who take a country and destroy it until you feel like there is no hope of restoring this country… looting some prefer to call it. Did Gaddafi loot Libya in any way?

Now let us get to the unknown facts about the Libyan dictator Muammar Gaddafi:


1. There is no electricity bill in Libya; electricity is free for all its citizens.
2. There is no interest on loans, banks in Libya are state-owned and loans given to all its citizens at 0% interest by law.
3. Home considered a human right in Libya – Gaddafi vowed that his parents would not get a house until everyone in Libya had a home. Gaddafi’s father has died while him, his wife and his mother are still living in a tent.
4. All newlyweds in Libya receive $60,000 Dinar (US$50,000) by the government to buy their first apartment so to help start up the family.
5. Education and medical treatments are free in Libya. Before Gaddafi only 25% of Libyans are literate. Today the figure is 83%.
6. Should Libyans want to take up farming career, they would receive farming land, a farming house, equipments, seeds and livestock to kick-start their farms – all for free.
7. If Libyans cannot find the education or medical facilities they need in Libya, the government funds them to go abroad for it – not only free but they get US$2,300/mth accommodation and car allowance.
8. In Libyan, if a Libyan buys a car, the government subsidized 50% of the price.
9. The price of petrol in Libya is $0.14 per liter.
10. Libya has no external debt and its reserves amount to $150 billion – now frozen globally.
11. If a Libyan is unable to get employment after graduation the state would pay the average salary of the profession as if he or she is employed until employment is found.
12. A portion of Libyan oil sale is, credited directly to the bank accounts of all Libyan citizens.
13. A mother who gave birth to a child receive US$5,000
14. 40 loaves of bread in Libya costs $ 0.15
15. 25% of Libyans have a university degree
16. Gaddafi carried out the world’s largest irrigation project, known as the Great Man-Made River project, to make water readily available throughout the desert country.

Which other dictator has done so much good for his people?

After work Jokes Guys

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into.

She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher:

'They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!' she cried.

The dispatcher said,

'Stay calm. An officer is on the way.'

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.

'Disregard.' He says. She got in the back-seat by mistake.'

.............................................................

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise.
'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied.

He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.

She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked,

'How does that feel'?

Feels great, he replied; but I still think my thumb's broken!

SHORT JOKES

Doctor: Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills.
Wife : When must I give them to him?
Doctor: They are for you.
.......................................................................

Romantic SMS She sends the following message:
My love if you're sleeping, send me your dreams
If you're smiling, send me your smile
If you're crying, send me your tears
I love you
He Replied: I'm in the toilet. What do I send?
.......................................................................

Su WONG marries Lee WONG, The next year, the WONG's have a new baby.

The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely

Caucasian,white baby boy.

"Congratulations," says the nurse to the new parents.

"Well Mr.WONG, what will you and Mrs. WONG name the baby?"

The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, "well, two

WONG's don't make a white, so I tink we name him Sum Ting WONG

Friday night Jokes

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.

She looked pretty good for a 65 year old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a bit, and we had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I ever had a 'Sportsman's Double?'

'What's that?' I asked.

'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

'Oh...' I said as my mind began to embrace the idea, 'No, I haven't.'

And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like. We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was 'my lucky night'.

I went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:

'Mom, you still awake'?

Friday night Jokes

I ended up with an older woman at a club last night.

She looked pretty good for a 65 year old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.

We drank a bit, and we had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I ever had a 'Sportsman's Double?'

'What's that?' I asked.

'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

'Oh...' I said as my mind began to embrace the idea, 'No, I haven't.'

And I wondered what this daughter of hers might look like. We drank a bit more, then she says with a wink that tonight was 'my lucky night'.

I went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:

'Mom, you still awake'?

Planet of the Apes

Membasuh buah-buahan

Overview

The University of Michigan Extension recommends washing fresh produce under clean, running water prior to consuming, but adding vinegar to the mix may help kill even more bacteria. A study published in 2003 in the "Journal of Food Protection" found that washing apples with a vinegar-and-water solution reduced salmonella on the outer skin significantly more than washing with water alone. Jack Bishop, editor of "Cook's Illustrated," performed a similar experiment, and found that vinegar killed approximately 98 percent of bacteria on the surface of fresh fruits and vegetables.

For Smooth-Skinned Fruits and Vegetables

Step 1

Pour the white distilled vinegar into a spray bottle, and add 3 cups water. Secure the lid on the bottle, and shake well to combine the ingredients.

Step 2

Spray smooth-skinned vegetables and fruits, such as apples and tomatoes, with enough of the vinegar solution to cover the entire surface area, about five or six squirts. Rub gently with your hand to make sure the skin is coated thoroughly.

Step 3

Rinse the fruit or vegetable under cold running water, which removes the residual vinegar flavor. Rub with your hands to help remove every trace of vinegar, shake off the excess water, and pat dry with a clean towel before slicing.

For Leafy and Irregular Vegetables

Step 1

Pour the distilled vinegar into a large bowl or basin, and add 3 cups water. Stir gently with a large spoon or ladle to mix the liquids thoroughly.

Step 2

Separate the leaves of leafy vegetables, such as lettuce, spinach and turnip greens, and dip them in the vinegar solution. Remove from the bowl, rinse under cold running water, shake off excess, and pat dry before serving.

Step 3

Place irregular vegetables that have many crevices, such as cauliflower and broccoli, in the bowl of vinegar and water. Allow these vegetables to soak for at least two minutes before rinsing under cold, running water. Shake off excess water, and pat dry before cutting or serving.

Tips and Warnings

If your spray bottle isn't large enough to hold 4 cups of liquid, or if you need a larger amount of the mixture for cleaning large vegetables, use 1 part vinegar to every 3 parts water to make the cleaning solution. Wash hard-skinned fruits and vegetables, such as squash and melons, just as you would smooth-skinned fruits and vegetables, even if you don't eat the rind or skin. The University of Michigan warns that bacteria on the outer skin can be transferred to the inner flesh when cut.
Do not wash produce until just before you're ready to prepare and serve. If you wash fruits and vegetables before storing, they will spoil much faster.

Things You'll Need

1 cup white distilled vinegar
Spray bottle
Large bowl or basin

Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/255880-how-to-clean-fruits-vegetables-with-vinegar/#ixzz1ay2gxYSY

Pelik tapi Benar: Kick-Boxing Orang utans

Sad but true..exploitation to the bottom..