Clearly shows how difficult is to be a MAN !
TWO DIFFICULT THINGS TO ACHIEVE
1. To plant your ideas in someone else's head.
2. To put someone else's money in your own pocket.
The one who succeeds in the first one is called a TEACHER.
And the second is called a BUSINESSMAN.
The one who succeeds in both is called a WIFE
The one who fails in both is called a HUSBAND!!!
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Faith
Professor : You are a Muslim, aren't you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?
Student : Yes.
Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent.)
Professor: You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, young fella. Is GOD good?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Is satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor: Where does satan come from ?
Student : From … GOD …
Professor: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor: So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer.)
Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them ?
(Student had no answer.)
Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Professor: Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Professor: Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre became very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it is, were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class was in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class broke out into laughter. )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Professor: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.
P.S.
I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. And if so, you'll probably want your friends / colleagues to enjoy the same, won't you?
Forward this to increase their knowledge … or FAITH.
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?
Student : Yes.
Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent.)
Professor: You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, young fella. Is GOD good?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Is satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor: Where does satan come from ?
Student : From … GOD …
Professor: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor: So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer.)
Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them ?
(Student had no answer.)
Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Professor: Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Professor: Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn't.
(The lecture theatre became very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it is, were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?
Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.
Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class was in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?
(The class broke out into laughter. )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Professor: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.
P.S.
I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. And if so, you'll probably want your friends / colleagues to enjoy the same, won't you?
Forward this to increase their knowledge … or FAITH.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
Two Ladies Talking in Heaven
1st woman: Hi! Barbara.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer.......we'd both still be alive.
1st woman: Hi! Barbara.
2nd woman: Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?
1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!
1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death.. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer.......we'd both still be alive.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
ONIONS
Wow- very interesting....Everyone should read :)
ONIONS! I had never heard this!!!
PLEASE READ TO THE END: IMPORTANT
In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor that visited the many farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu...
Many of the farmers and their families had contracted it and many died.
The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back then). The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions and place it under the microscope. She gave him one and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It obviously absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy.
Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser. She said that several years ago, many of her employees were coming down with the flu, and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her staff got sick. It must work. Try it and see what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu.
Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied with this most interesting experience about onions:
Thanks for the reminder. I don't know about the farmer's story...but, I do know that I contacted pneumonia, and, needless to say, I was very ill... I came across an article that said to cut both ends off an onion put it into an empty jar, and place the jar next to the sick patient at night. It said the onion would be black in the morning from the germs...sure enough it happened just like that...the onion was a mess and I began to feel better.
Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties.
This is the other note. Lots of times when we have stomach problems we don't know what to blame. Maybe it's the onions that are to blame. Onions absorb bacteria is the reason they are so good at preventing us from getting colds and flu and is the very reason we shouldn't eat an onion that has been sitting for a time after it has been cut open.
LEFT OVER ONIONS ARE POISONOUS
I had the wonderful privilege of touring Mullins Food Products, Makers of mayonnaise. Questions about food poisoning came up, and I wanted to share what I learned from a chemist.
Ed, who was our tour guide, is a food chemistry whiz. During the tour, someone asked if we really needed to worry about mayonnaise. People are always worried that mayonnaise will spoil. Ed's answer will surprise you. Ed said that all commercially-made mayo is completely safe.
"It doesn't even have to be refrigerated. No harm in refrigerating it, but it's not really necessary." He explained that the pH in mayonnaise is set at a point that bacteria could not survive in that environment. He then talked about the summer picnic, with the bowl of potato salad sitting on the table, and how everyone blames the mayonnaise when someone gets sick.
Ed says that, when food poisoning is reported, the first thing the officials look for is when the 'victim' last ate ONIONS and where those onions came from (in the potato salad?). Ed says it's not the mayonnaise (as long as it's not homemade mayo) that spoils in the outdoors. It's probably the ONIONS, and if not the onions, it's the POTATOES.
He explained onions are a huge magnet for bacteria, especially uncooked onions. You should never plan to keep a portion of a sliced onion.. He says it's not even safe if you put it in a zip-lock bag and put it in your refrigerator.
It's already contaminated enough just by being cut open and out for a bit, that it can be a danger to you (and doubly watch out for those onions you put in your hotdogs at the baseball park!). Ed says if you take the leftover onion and cook it like crazy you'll probably be okay, but if you slice that leftover onion and put on your sandwich, you're asking for trouble. Both the onions and the moist potato in a potato salad, will attract and grow bacteria faster than any commercial mayonnaise will even begin to break down.
Also, dogs should never eat onions. Their stomachs cannot metabolize onions.
Please remember it is dangerous to cut an onion and try to use it to cook the next day, it becomes highly poisonous for even a single night and creates toxic bacteria which may cause adverse stomach infections because of excess bile secretions and even food poisoning.
Please pass this on to all you love and care about.
ONIONS! I had never heard this!!!
PLEASE READ TO THE END: IMPORTANT
In 1919 when the flu killed 40 million people there was this Doctor that visited the many farmers to see if he could help them combat the flu...
Many of the farmers and their families had contracted it and many died.
The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that was different the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion in a dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back then). The doctor couldn't believe it and asked if he could have one of the onions and place it under the microscope. She gave him one and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It obviously absorbed the bacteria, therefore, keeping the family healthy.
Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser. She said that several years ago, many of her employees were coming down with the flu, and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several bowls with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her staff got sick. It must work. Try it and see what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu.
Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied with this most interesting experience about onions:
Thanks for the reminder. I don't know about the farmer's story...but, I do know that I contacted pneumonia, and, needless to say, I was very ill... I came across an article that said to cut both ends off an onion put it into an empty jar, and place the jar next to the sick patient at night. It said the onion would be black in the morning from the germs...sure enough it happened just like that...the onion was a mess and I began to feel better.
Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties.
This is the other note. Lots of times when we have stomach problems we don't know what to blame. Maybe it's the onions that are to blame. Onions absorb bacteria is the reason they are so good at preventing us from getting colds and flu and is the very reason we shouldn't eat an onion that has been sitting for a time after it has been cut open.
LEFT OVER ONIONS ARE POISONOUS
I had the wonderful privilege of touring Mullins Food Products, Makers of mayonnaise. Questions about food poisoning came up, and I wanted to share what I learned from a chemist.
Ed, who was our tour guide, is a food chemistry whiz. During the tour, someone asked if we really needed to worry about mayonnaise. People are always worried that mayonnaise will spoil. Ed's answer will surprise you. Ed said that all commercially-made mayo is completely safe.
"It doesn't even have to be refrigerated. No harm in refrigerating it, but it's not really necessary." He explained that the pH in mayonnaise is set at a point that bacteria could not survive in that environment. He then talked about the summer picnic, with the bowl of potato salad sitting on the table, and how everyone blames the mayonnaise when someone gets sick.
Ed says that, when food poisoning is reported, the first thing the officials look for is when the 'victim' last ate ONIONS and where those onions came from (in the potato salad?). Ed says it's not the mayonnaise (as long as it's not homemade mayo) that spoils in the outdoors. It's probably the ONIONS, and if not the onions, it's the POTATOES.
He explained onions are a huge magnet for bacteria, especially uncooked onions. You should never plan to keep a portion of a sliced onion.. He says it's not even safe if you put it in a zip-lock bag and put it in your refrigerator.
It's already contaminated enough just by being cut open and out for a bit, that it can be a danger to you (and doubly watch out for those onions you put in your hotdogs at the baseball park!). Ed says if you take the leftover onion and cook it like crazy you'll probably be okay, but if you slice that leftover onion and put on your sandwich, you're asking for trouble. Both the onions and the moist potato in a potato salad, will attract and grow bacteria faster than any commercial mayonnaise will even begin to break down.
Also, dogs should never eat onions. Their stomachs cannot metabolize onions.
Please remember it is dangerous to cut an onion and try to use it to cook the next day, it becomes highly poisonous for even a single night and creates toxic bacteria which may cause adverse stomach infections because of excess bile secretions and even food poisoning.
Please pass this on to all you love and care about.
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Three dogs
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the veterinarian's. One of the dogs was looking glum, and the second dog turned to him and asked, ''What are you in for''?
''I'm in big trouble,'' he said. ''My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats-he took me for a ride and I was so excited I peed on the seat, and now he's having put me to sleep.''
''I know how you feel,'' said the second dog. ''My owner has a beautiful expensive oriental rug.The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn't help myself...I shit all over their nice carpet and ruined it.They're having me put to sleep too.''
Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room. ''So what are you in here for?'' they asked.
''Well,'' the third dog said, ''my owner likes to do her housework in the nude.The other day, she was vacumming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life.''
The other dogs nodded in sympathy, ''So she's having you put to sleep, too, Huh?''
''No,'' said the other dog, ''I'm having my nails clipped.''
''I'm in big trouble,'' he said. ''My owner has a really nice sports car with leather seats-he took me for a ride and I was so excited I peed on the seat, and now he's having put me to sleep.''
''I know how you feel,'' said the second dog. ''My owner has a beautiful expensive oriental rug.The other day they were late getting home from work and I just couldn't help myself...I shit all over their nice carpet and ruined it.They're having me put to sleep too.''
Both dogs turned to the third dog in the waiting room. ''So what are you in here for?'' they asked.
''Well,'' the third dog said, ''my owner likes to do her housework in the nude.The other day, she was vacumming and she knelt down to vacuum under the sofa and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and had the ride of my life.''
The other dogs nodded in sympathy, ''So she's having you put to sleep, too, Huh?''
''No,'' said the other dog, ''I'm having my nails clipped.''
Accountants
Three accountants were in the bathroom, standing at the urinals.
The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used 3 paper towels and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried.
Turning to the other two accountants, he said, "At Price Waterhouse Coopers, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second accountant finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At KPMG, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third accountant finished, pulled up his zipper and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Shah & Patel, we don't piss on our hands."
The first accountant finished and walked over to the sink to wash his hands. He then proceeded to dry his hands very carefully. He used 3 paper towels and ensured that every single spot of water on his hands was dried.
Turning to the other two accountants, he said, "At Price Waterhouse Coopers, we are trained to be extremely thorough."
The second accountant finished his task at the urinal and he proceeded to wash his hands. He used a single paper towel and made sure that he dried his hands using every available portion of the paper towel. He turned and said, "At KPMG, not only are we trained to be extremely thorough, but we are also trained to be extremely efficient."
The third accountant finished, pulled up his zipper and walked straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "At Shah & Patel, we don't piss on our hands."
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
THE BOTTLE OF WINE
Girls what you think about that :)
THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
'Good trade.....'
THE BOTTLE OF WINE
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
'Good trade.....'
Monday, November 19, 2012
Homemade Sex Toys...
A Maryland couple decided to experiment with power tools in the bedroom. They attached a dildo to an electric saber saw. I'm not sure what educated person would come to the conclusion that this was a good idea. The saw cut through the dildo and, well, you can imagine the rest.
Source: thefrisky.com
Saturday, November 17, 2012
sarcasm is the best so good
sarcasm is the best so good
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.The doctor says "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings. She's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, - "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your daughter is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess." The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be. She has never ever been with a man! Have you Debbie?"Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man, I'm still a virgin!" The doctor walked over to the window and just stood there staring out of it. About 5 minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and 3 wise men came over the hill. And there's no way I'm going to miss it this time!!!!"
A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.The doctor says "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings. She's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings." The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, - "Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your daughter is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess." The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be. She has never ever been with a man! Have you Debbie?"Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man, I'm still a virgin!" The doctor walked over to the window and just stood there staring out of it. About 5 minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and 3 wise men came over the hill. And there's no way I'm going to miss it this time!!!!"
Sunday, October 28, 2012
roll call
Attendance roll call, on the first day back at school in Birmingham UK.
The teacher takes the roll call:
"Mustafa El Ekh Zeri?"
"Here."
"Achmed El Kabul?"
"Here."
"Fatima Al Chadoury? "
"Here."
"Abdul Alu Ohlmi?"
"Here."
"Mohammed Ibn Achrha?"
"Here."
"Mi Cha El Mey Er?" Silence in the classroom.
"Mi Cha El Mey Er?"
Continued silence as everyone looked around the room. She asked,
"Is there any child here called Mi Cha El Mey Er ?"
A boy puts his hand up and says, "Sorry teacher. I think that's me..It's pronounced Michael Meyer."
GOD HELP BRITAIN
The teacher takes the roll call:
"Mustafa El Ekh Zeri?"
"Here."
"Achmed El Kabul?"
"Here."
"Fatima Al Chadoury? "
"Here."
"Abdul Alu Ohlmi?"
"Here."
"Mohammed Ibn Achrha?"
"Here."
"Mi Cha El Mey Er?" Silence in the classroom.
"Mi Cha El Mey Er?"
Continued silence as everyone looked around the room. She asked,
"Is there any child here called Mi Cha El Mey Er ?"
A boy puts his hand up and says, "Sorry teacher. I think that's me..It's pronounced Michael Meyer."
GOD HELP BRITAIN
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Good one
An elderly man in Mumbai calls his son in New York and says,
'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!'
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
'
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
'Like heck they're getting divorced,'
she shouts,'I'll take care of this.'
She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for our anniversary and paying their own airfare!!'
MORAL:
No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.
The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.
OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.
'I hate to ruin your day son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are getting a divorce; 35 years of marriage... and that much misery is enough!'
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
'
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says.
'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Hong Kong and tell her!'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
'Like heck they're getting divorced,'
she shouts,'I'll take care of this.'
She calls Mumbai immediately, and screams at the old man, 'You are not getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then , don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR??' and she hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay', he says, 'It's all set. They're both coming for our anniversary and paying their own airfare!!'
MORAL:
No man / woman is busy in this world all 365 days.
The sky is not going to fall down if you take few days LEAVE and meet your dear ones.
OFFICE WORK IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE and MONEY MAKING IS NOT EVERYTHING IN LIFE.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
David Lettermans Top 10 Reasons why Golf is better than Sex...
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07... Foursomes are encouraged.
#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05... Three times a day is possible.
#04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
#02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex......
#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!
#09... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#08... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#07... Foursomes are encouraged.
#06... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#05... Three times a day is possible.
#04... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#03... If you live in Florida, you can do it almost every day.
#02... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex......
#01... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
BILL GATES in a restaurant
BILL GATES in a restaurant
After eating, he gave 5$ to the waiter as a tip.
The waiter had a strange feeling on his face after the tip.
Gates realized & asked. What happened?
Waiter: I'm just amazed because on the same table your son gave Tip Of... 500$...and you as his Father, one of the richest man in the world only gave 5$...?
Gates Smiled & Replied With Meaningful words:
"He is Son of the world's richest man, but i am the son of a wood cutter..."
After eating, he gave 5$ to the waiter as a tip.
The waiter had a strange feeling on his face after the tip.
Gates realized & asked. What happened?
Waiter: I'm just amazed because on the same table your son gave Tip Of... 500$...and you as his Father, one of the richest man in the world only gave 5$...?
Gates Smiled & Replied With Meaningful words:
"He is Son of the world's richest man, but i am the son of a wood cutter..."
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Irishman
One day an Irishman goes into a pharmacy, reaches into his pocket and takes out a small bottle and a teaspoon. He pours some liquid onto the teaspoon and offers it to the chemist.
"Could you taste this for me, please?"
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.
"No, not at all," says the chemist.
"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy.
"The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."
"Could you taste this for me, please?"
The chemist takes the teaspoon, puts it in his mouth, swills the liquid around and swallows it.
"Does that taste sweet to you?" says Paddy.
"No, not at all," says the chemist.
"Oh that's a relief," says Paddy.
"The doctor told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar."
Friday, October 5, 2012
Retirement
End your week with a SMILE, and happy weekend
Retirement
Bob decided to retire at 60. After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him.
She suggested he go and do something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby. Bob obliged and went out for a couple of hours.
When he got home his wife asked about his day and he replied, "Oh, I just went down to the park and hung out with the guys. And oh yeah, I joined a parachute club"
"What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
"Yeah, look I even got a membership card."
"You crazy old man, where's your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"
"Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed up & have paid for 4 jumps a week!"
Retirement
Bob decided to retire at 60. After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him.
She suggested he go and do something to occupy his time, like join a club or get a hobby. Bob obliged and went out for a couple of hours.
When he got home his wife asked about his day and he replied, "Oh, I just went down to the park and hung out with the guys. And oh yeah, I joined a parachute club"
"What? Are you nuts? You're 65 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
"Yeah, look I even got a membership card."
"You crazy old man, where's your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!"
"Oh, great! Now what am I going to do? I signed up & have paid for 4 jumps a week!"
Thursday, October 4, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Genius
THE STUDENT OBTAINED 0% ON THIS EXAM
HE SHOULD BE COMMENDED
This student is a Genius!
He got all the answers right and yet he scored 0% !
I would have given him 100%
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
** his last battle*
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
** at the bottom of the page*
Q3. River Ganges flows in which state?
** liquid*
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
** marriage*
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
** exams*
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
** Lunch & dinner*
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* *The other half*
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
** It will simply become wet*
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* *No problem, he sleeps at night.*
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* *You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..*
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* *Very large hands*
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take
four men to build it?
** No time at all, the wall is already built.*
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
**Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack**
HE SHOULD BE COMMENDED
This student is a Genius!
He got all the answers right and yet he scored 0% !
I would have given him 100%
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
** his last battle*
Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
** at the bottom of the page*
Q3. River Ganges flows in which state?
** liquid*
Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
** marriage*
Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
** exams*
Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
** Lunch & dinner*
Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* *The other half*
Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
** It will simply become wet*
Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ?
* *No problem, he sleeps at night.*
Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* *You will never find an elephant that has only one hand..*
Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples
and three oranges in other hand, what would you have ?
* *Very large hands*
Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take
four men to build it?
** No time at all, the wall is already built.*
Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
**Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack**
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Cannibal man
Two Cannibals
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really
fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother.
Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path.
Before long, along came this little old man. The son said, "Ooh dad, there's one." "No," said the father. "There's not enough meat on that one to even feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
Well, a little while later, along came this really
fat man. The son said, "Hey dad, he's plenty big enough." "No," the father said. "We'd all die of a heart attack from the fat in that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, here comes this absolutely gorgeous woman.
The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father. "We'll not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because, we're going to take her back alive and eat your mother.
Mom and dad
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs: In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
T
his infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration."
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs: In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm. In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
T
his infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration."
Friday, September 21, 2012
How to Determine if an Egg is Fresh?
Fill a container up with warm water. I use warm water. The reason for this is. Eggs are porous. If you put an egg in cold water, it will contract and draw any bacteria that is on the outside of the shell in through the pores.
This is not good. So, if you use warm water, the egg will expand, and you will notice that little air bubbles form on the shell.
Put your eggs into the warm water, and look at them.
A very fresh egg will sink to the bottom and lay on it's side.
Week old eggs will rest on the bottom but the fat end of the egg will rise up slightly.
Three week old eggs will be balanced on pointy end with the fat end sticking up.
Old eggs will be floating, bobbing along the surface of the water.
These floaters should be tossed as they aren't any good to eat.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
9 Cara Bangkitkan Perasaan Gembira Saat Bekerja
9 Cara Bangkitkan Perasaan Gembira Saat Bekerja
1. Perancangan
Stabilkan jadual masa anda. Baik untuk hujung minggu mahupun pada hari-hari biasa. Perancangan begini membolehkan anda mendapagkan minggu yang lebih produktif setiap masa.
Stabilkan jadual masa anda. Baik untuk hujung minggu mahupun pada hari-hari biasa. Perancangan begini membolehkan anda mendapagkan minggu yang lebih produktif setiap masa.
Mulakan hari anda 15 minit lebih awal untuk membuat perancangan yang telah ditetapkan. Senaraikan tiga perkara paling penting perlu dilakukan untuk hari tertentu dan tetapkan matlamat anda. Fokus dan kecapinya!
2. Timbulkan persoalan
Sebaris ayat mampu mengubah segalanya. Lekatkan reminder pada tempat paling mudah untuk anda lihat dengan ayat "Adakah aku menggunakan masa yang ada dengan baik?"
Sebaris ayat mampu mengubah segalanya. Lekatkan reminder pada tempat paling mudah untuk anda lihat dengan ayat "Adakah aku menggunakan masa yang ada dengan baik?"
Kesempurnaan adakalanya sukar dicapai. Terimalah kenyataan sekiranya perancangan anda tidak dapat dilaksanakan dengan baik. Jangan rosakan mood hanya kerana matlamat anda tidak tercapai. Sebaliknya, cuba usahakan perancangan seterusnya pula.
4. Tutup komputer anda!
Jangan salah sangka. Tutup komputer tidak bermakna anda tidak boleh melakukan kerja lagi. Beri masa jnguk masa anda rehat secukupnya untuk mengembalikan kesegaran. Peruntukkan masa untuk membuat kerja di dalam komputer supaya anda tidak kelihatan lesu.
Jangan salah sangka. Tutup komputer tidak bermakna anda tidak boleh melakukan kerja lagi. Beri masa jnguk masa anda rehat secukupnya untuk mengembalikan kesegaran. Peruntukkan masa untuk membuat kerja di dalam komputer supaya anda tidak kelihatan lesu.
5. Buka e-mail kemudian
Pada sesetengah orang, e-mail menjadi satu keutamaan dalam urusan kerja. Namun, jika tidak, hadkan penghantaran e-mail kurang dari lima penghantaran supaya anda tidak terlalu terikat dengan satu perkara sahaja.
Pada sesetengah orang, e-mail menjadi satu keutamaan dalam urusan kerja. Namun, jika tidak, hadkan penghantaran e-mail kurang dari lima penghantaran supaya anda tidak terlalu terikat dengan satu perkara sahaja.
6. Gugurkan perkara tidak penting!
Pasti di dalam senarai kerja anda ada perkara yang tidak penting. Gugurkan atau asingkanya.
7. Pilih kegembiraan
Untuk bekerja dengan lebih produktif, tidak semestinya anda perlu serius sepanjang masa. Senyum tidak bermakna anda tidak berusaha keras. Ghairah bekerja tidak bermakna anda bukan seorang pesaing.
Untuk bekerja dengan lebih produktif, tidak semestinya anda perlu serius sepanjang masa. Senyum tidak bermakna anda tidak berusaha keras. Ghairah bekerja tidak bermakna anda bukan seorang pesaing.
Berfikiran positif tidak bermakna anda takutkan cabaran. Pilih untuk berasa gembira sewaktu bekerja. Cari rakan yang anda boleh kongsi perasaan ini bersama agar perasaan gembira itu boleh tersebar. Elakkan gosip dan perbualan nagatif!
8. Kongsi pencapaian anda
Bukan untuk bermegah tetapi perkongsian mengenai kejayaan atau pencapaian anda bersama rakan sekerjz bukan hanya boleh menciptakan kebahagian kepada anda malah memberi motivasi kepada teman lain.
Bukan untuk bermegah tetapi perkongsian mengenai kejayaan atau pencapaian anda bersama rakan sekerjz bukan hanya boleh menciptakan kebahagian kepada anda malah memberi motivasi kepada teman lain.
9. Berfikiran kreatif
Adakah kerjaya anda membosankan? Guna kreativiti anda mencari cara bagaimana untuk menambahkan keseronokan dalam tugasan anda. Mungkin anda boleh cuba mengubah ruti harian asalkan inputnya sama atau lebih produktif.
Adakah kerjaya anda membosankan? Guna kreativiti anda mencari cara bagaimana untuk menambahkan keseronokan dalam tugasan anda. Mungkin anda boleh cuba mengubah ruti harian asalkan inputnya sama atau lebih produktif.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Friday, September 7, 2012
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
whale vommit
Boy Finds Ambergris, Valuable Fragrant Rock from Whale Poop, on Beach
A 200-year-old fragrance originally made for Marie Antoinette was reproduced in limited quantities a few years back, for a staggering $11,000 a bottle. The main ingredient was ambergris, a rare rocklike substance that exudes a special scent all its own. The best ambergris goes for $10,000 per pound, and one lucky 8-year-old in England has very likely stumbled upon a large piece on his local beach.
“Charlie and I were just out for a normal walk on our local beach, with the dog, when he found this waxy-looking rock,” Alex Naysmith, the boy’s father, told ABC News. “He’s always picking up stuff, and he was joking that it was really heavy. In fact, it was quite light and it reminded me of something I saw on the news that a New Zealand couple found.”
Naysmith said they took it home to Google what it was. Although only a local marine biologist in southern England has examined it so far, the strange-looking rock that Charlie picked up will likely fetch $65,000. And that’s not the best bit – ambergris, far from a French-sounding semi-precious rock, is actually whale feces.
“Headlines like ‘Moby Sick Makes Boy Rich’ reveal the popular misconception of ambergris as whale vomit. It’s poop,” Christopher Kemp, a molecular biologist told ABC News. Kemp is the author of the book “Floating Gold: the Natural (and Unnatural) History of Ambergris.” He dubbed the process of creating a chunk of ambergris, like the one Naysmith found, as “one unlikelihood piled on top of another,” saying that “only one percent of the 350,00 sperm whales can actually make it. Then once they excrete it, it has to float around the ocean for decades to be of any value.”
Naysmith told ABC News that their piece of ambergris “definitely looks like” it’s been floating around for years, and that he invites any experts to come and examine it definitively.
“You can’t tell by just looking at it. Sometimes it’s mistaken for animal fat, and the kid’s one could be that,” said Kemp. “But if it is real ambergris, because it’s so rare, it’s very valuable.”
According to scientists, when sperm whales dine on squid, they protect themselves by secreting a fatty substance in their intestines to surround the squid’s beaks. Eventually whales excrete these large lumps of ambergris, up to hundreds of pounds at a time.
Kemp said that each piece smells a bit different, and luxury perfumers say that the smallest amount makes the biggest difference to a given fragrance.
“One drop of ambergris can change a perfume,” Claire Payne, an aroma therapist and perfumer told ABC News. “It’s what we call an animalic smell, different to the citrusy or fruity scents. It’s like musk, and we use it in several of our fragrances,” she added.
Ambergris has a scent all its own—derived from its chemical component ambrein—that it imparts to popular perfumes such as Chanel No. 5. It’s often described as an odd, a fragrant in fact, mixture of tobacco, rotting wood and even furniture polish, in high demand by perfume makers because it prolongs a perfume’s scent. Roja Dove, the so-called King of Fragrance and one of the most knowledgeable people in the world when it comes to perfume, uses ambergris in a signature scent called Scandal Pour Homme that sells in luxury stores for $280 per 100ml bottle. Adrienne Beuse, the owner of one of the only international trader of raw ambergris in New Zeland, told Bloomberg Businesweek that it’s one of the few recession-proof commodities: “If I have the supply, I’ll always be able to sell it,” she said.
Alex Naysmith said that his son wants to use the money from his lucky find to build some kind of animal shelter. “He’s enjoying the attention he’s been getting, but I doubt it’ll last. He has a club in school that he started to look after animals, and would like to keep going with that.”
Asked what he thinks about the possibility of earning tens of thousands of dollars for a seemingly random rock find, Naysmith said that, although he’s been back to the beach to look for more, he “wouldn’t really mind either way.”
While possession of amberis is illegal in the U.S. since 1972 because it comes from endangerd sperm whales, Naysmith is free to sell the $60,000-plus valued substance.
All because a whale suffered some indigestion years ago.
loving couple
A story of a 104 year old man and his wife aged 100: they have been married for 81 years but have never taken a photo together as they are so poor.
These are their first photos together. The old lady dressed up in a wedding dress and old man was so happy, he hugged his wife and told her that she's so beautiful.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Monday, August 27, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Sunday talk
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...
(I love it when I make you smile...and I KNOW you are smiling)
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...
(I love it when I make you smile...and I KNOW you are smiling)
Thursday, August 16, 2012
"The Scottish Brothel"
The madam opened the brothel door in Milngavie and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.
"May I help you sir?" she asked.
The man replied, "I want to see Suzy."
"Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else" , said the madam.
He replied, "No, I must see Suzy."
Just then, Suzy appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Suzy.
Suzy explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.
"There are no discounts. The price is still £5000."
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Suzy and they went upstairs.
After their session, Suzy said to the man,
"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.
Where are you from?"
The man replied, " Edinburgh."
"Really," she said. "I have family in Edinburgh ..."
"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her Lawyer
She asked me to give you your £15,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
"May I help you sir?" she asked.
The man replied, "I want to see Suzy."
"Sir, Suzy is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else" , said the madam.
He replied, "No, I must see Suzy."
Just then, Suzy appeared and announced to the man she charged £5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand pounds and gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Suzy.
Suzy explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive.
"There are no discounts. The price is still £5000."
Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Suzy, and they went upstairs.
After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again.
Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Suzy and they went upstairs.
After their session, Suzy said to the man,
"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row.
Where are you from?"
The man replied, " Edinburgh."
"Really," she said. "I have family in Edinburgh ..."
"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her Lawyer
She asked me to give you your £15,000 inheritance."
The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Baltic UFO
Object is raised about 10 to 13ft above seabed and curved at the sides like a mushroom
Hole is surrounded by an strange rock formation that expedition team can not explain
Stones are covered in something 'resembling soot' which has baffled experts
Divers say phones and some cameras switch off when close to the object
By EDDIE WRENN
The divers exploring a 'UFO-shaped' object at the bottom of the Baltic Sea say their equipment stops working when they approach within 200m.
Professional diver Stefan Hogerborn, part of the Ocean X team which is exploring the anomaly, said some of the team's cameras and the team's satellite phone would refuse to work when directly above the object, and would only work once they had sailed away.
He is quoted as saying: 'Anything electric out there - and the satellite phone as well - stopped working when we were above the object.
'And then we got away about 200 meters and it turned on again, and when we got back over the object it didn't work.'
Hefty trajectory: The Swedish diving team noted a 985-foot flattened out 'runway' leading up to the object, implying that it skidded along the path before stopping but no true answers are clear
Diver Peter Lindberg said: 'We have experienced things that I really couldn't imagine and I have been the team's biggest skeptic regarding these different kind of theories.
'I was kind of prepared just to find a stone or cliff or outcrop or pile of mud but it was nothing like that, so for me it has been a missing experience I must say.'
Member Dennis Åsberg said: 'I am one hundred percent convinced and confident that we have found something that is very, very, very unique.
'Then if it is a meteorite or an asteroid, or a volcano, or a base from, say, a U-boat from the Cold War which has manufactured and placed there - or if it is a UFO...
'Well honestly it has to be something.'
Friday, July 6, 2012
Thursday, July 5, 2012
Florida lifeguard gets fired for helping save a drowning man outside his designated beach area
Where is common courtesy. It totally not acceptable. He save a man life no sleeping on his job for god sake.
HALLANDALE BEACH, Fla. — Lifeguard Tomas Lopez helped save a drowning man and got fired for it.
The reason: He left the section of a south Florida beach his company is paid to patrol. The Orlando-based company, Jeff Ellis and Associates, says Lopez broke a company rule and could have put beachgoers in his section in jeopardy.
Lopez was on duty Monday at Hallandale Beach when a beachgoer asked for help. Lopez said he ran to assist a man struggling in the water south of his post.
By the time Lopez arrived, witnesses had pulled the drowning man out of the water. Lopez and an off-duty nurse helped him until paramedics arrived. The victim survived and was hospitalized.
Afterward, Lopez was fired.
Two other lifeguards have quit in protest.
Copyright 2012 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
HALLANDALE BEACH, Fla. — Lifeguard Tomas Lopez helped save a drowning man and got fired for it.
The reason: He left the section of a south Florida beach his company is paid to patrol. The Orlando-based company, Jeff Ellis and Associates, says Lopez broke a company rule and could have put beachgoers in his section in jeopardy.
Lopez was on duty Monday at Hallandale Beach when a beachgoer asked for help. Lopez said he ran to assist a man struggling in the water south of his post.
By the time Lopez arrived, witnesses had pulled the drowning man out of the water. Lopez and an off-duty nurse helped him until paramedics arrived. The victim survived and was hospitalized.
Afterward, Lopez was fired.
Two other lifeguards have quit in protest.
Copyright 2012 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
parasite inside the eye
true story based on newspaper report. happen to PK Krishnamurthy, 75 in mumbai. http://www.harian-metro-online.com/cacing-lima-inci-hidup-dalam-mata
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Monday, July 2, 2012
Strange news: Bangladesh farmers turn to 'frog weddings'
Bangladesh farmers turn to 'frog weddings'
(AFP) DHAKA — Farmers in a parched district of northern Bangladesh are marrying off frogs in a desperate bid to bring on monsoon rains and protect their crops, local officials said Wednesday.
Bangladesh suffered its driest July in decades, prompting farmers to turn to the centuries-old rain-making ritual of celebrating frog marriages, officials say.
"There have been lot of frog marriages as there has been hardly any rainfall here even though it's monsoon season," Sadullahpur district government administrator Ariful Haq said.
At a frog wedding in Ramchandrapur village, 300 villagers dressed in their best clothes attended the festivities, said Tajul Islam, who was at the wedding.
"The frog bride and groom are highly decorated with a red streak of colour on their forehead and carried in a special basket to a banana-leaf stage," he said.
"Villagers sing songs, make offerings of rice and grass, then after the ceremony the married frogs are released in the village pond," he said, adding that all the village children then got traditional sweets.
Monsoon rains normally sweep Bangladesh from June to September, with the country receiving more than 75 percent of its annual rainfall during this period.
In July, usually the wettest month of the year, Bangladesh received 36 percent less rain than last year, said Shah Alam, deputy chief of the weather department.
"The rainfall in July was the lowest in the last three decades," he said.
Scientists say Bangladesh is one of the countries worst hit by the effects of climate change with extreme weather conditions such as drought and flooding likely to increase in future.
"The situation is horrible. The farmers hardly have enough water to plant paddy crops. The water bodies have dried up," Sadullahpur district government administrator Haq said.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Rosemary usage
Internal use
It is used with great success for dyspeptic complaints, flatulence and to stimulate appetite and the secretion of gastric juices.
It is also used as supportive therapy for rheumatism and circulatory problems.
In herbal preparations it can be included to ensure proper circulation to the penis.
Furthermore it is used for headaches, as well as for nervous complaints.
Rosemary is used widely in Mediterranean cooking and the fresh or dried leaves are used to flavor meat (especially lamb and kid), sausages, stuffing, soups, stews and to make tea. The flowers can also be added to salads.
External use
Externally, rosemary helps to increase circulation and is very often used in hair care products and lotions as it stimulates the hair follicles to renewed activity and prevent premature baldness.
It has two important properties – it is an outstanding free radical scavenger and therefore has amazing antioxidant properties, and secondly has an remarkable stimulating effect on the skin.
Apart from this, it has good antiseptic properties and is traditionally used for hair and scalp stimulation, as well as anti-aging products.
It has rubefacient properties and therefore is most useful when an increase of blood flow is required or when below-par circulation needs to be rectified.
Rosemary is an effective treatment against scurf and dandruff.
It can also be used in mouth rinses and gargles; and is applied topically to stimulate circulation.
It has analgesic as well as antibacterial, antifungal and anti-parasitic properties.
Aromatherapy and essential oil use
This essential oil helps to clear the mind, sharpen the memory and boost the central nervous system. In the body it helps to clear respiratory congestion, including sinuses and relieving catarrh and asthma.
Its analgesic properties are useful for treating rheumatism, arthritis and sore stiff muscles.
Furthermore, it stimulates the liver and gall bladder and helps to lower high blood sugar.
On the skin, it has a tightening effect and reduces bloating and puffiness. In hair care, it stimulates hair growth and fights scalp problems.
It has analgesic, antidepressant, astringent, carminative, cephalic, cholagogue, cordial, digestive, diuretic, emmenagogue, hepatic, hypertensive, nervine, rubefacient, stimulant, sudorific and tonic properties.
Safety precautions and warnings
Rosemary essential oil has a highly stimulating action and may not be suitable for people with epilepsy or high blood pressure.
The essential oil should also not be used during pregnancy.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Tests reveal more than half of leading colas contain minute traces of alcohol
No wonder so many people like it! Coke and Pepsi contain ALCOHOL, reveals French research
Tests reveal more than half of leading colas contain minute traces of alcohol
By PETER ALLEN
Tests reveal more than half of leading colas contain minute traces of alcohol
By PETER ALLEN
Coca-Cola and Pepsi contain minute traces of alcohol, scientific research published in France has revealed.
The revelation will cause concern among those who chose the carbonated soft drink for religious, health or safety reasons.
According to tests carried out by the Paris-based National Institute of Consumption (INC) more than half of leading colas contain the traces of alcohol.
Can't beat the real thing: The revelation will cause concern among those who chose the carbonated soft drink for religious, health or safety reasons
These include the brand leaders Coca-Cola and Pepsi Cola, while it is mainly only cheap supermarket versions of the drink which are alcohol-free.
'60 Million Consumers', the French magazine, publishes the results of the tests in its latest issue.
They suggest that the alcohol levels are as low as 10mg in every litre, and this works out at around 0.001 per cent alcohol.
More...
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Can Atkins diet raise heart attack risk for women? Eating high levels of protein can increase chance by a quarter
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But the figures will still be enough to upset the thousands of Muslims who regularly drink Cola because their religion forbids them from drinking alcohol.
Those who are teetotal and drink Coke regularly will also be worried, as will those who choose it as an alternative to alcohol when they are driving.
Of 19 colas tested, the nine which did not contain alcohol were made by brands including Auchan, Cora, Casino, Leader Price and Man U-Cola.
Muslims praying at the Paris great Mosque: Many people regularly drink Cola because their religion forbids them from drinking alcohol
Ten which had traces of alcohol in them included Coca-Cola, Pepsi Cola, Coca-Cola Classic Light and Coke Zero.
Michel Pepin, scientific director for Coca-Cola France, said: 'It is possible that traces of alcohol come from the process' of making Coca Cola according to its secret recipe.
He insisted, however, that Coca-Cola drinks were provably 'soft' and recognised as such 'by the government authorities in which they are sold'.
Mr Pepin added: 'Furthermore, the Paris Mosque has provided us with a certificate stating that our products can be consumed by the Muslim community in line with the religious opinions of the Committee of the Mosque of Paris.'
Not the only pick me up: Caffeine is widely considered to be the main stimulus contained in cola, as well as sugar
A spokesman for Pepsi acknowledged that 'some soft drinks can contain minute traces of alcohol because of the ingredients used,' although ' the Pepsi Cola recipe does not contain alcohol '.
Both companies suggested that natural fruit can ferment and produce minute traces of alcohol.
Coca-Cola was invented in 1886 by the American John Pemberton and was originally patented as a medicine which could cure everything from headache to impotence.
It went on to dominate the international soft drinks market and is now a US icon sold in more than 200 countries.
However, caffeine is widely considered to be the main stimulant contained in the drink, along with vast amounts of sugar which have come to associate it with a range of health problems including obesity.
Every can of Coke contains approximately 10 teaspoons of sugar.
Home Remedies for Tonsillitis
Tonsillitis treatment using Lime
Lime is one of the most effective remedies in the treatment of acute tonsillitis. A fresh lime squeezed in a glass of warm water, with four teaspoons of honey and a quarter teaspoon of common salt, should be sipped slowly in such cases
Tonsillitis treatment using Milk
Milk has been found valuable in tonsillitis. A glass of pure boiled milk, mixed with a pinch uf turmeric powder and pepper powder, should be taken every night for three nights in the treatment of this condition. It will bring beneficial results
Tonsillitis treatment using Vegetable Juices
Juices of carrot, beet, and cucumber, taken individually or in combination, are especially beneficial. The formula proportion recommended, when used in combination is 300 ml of carrot juice, 100 ml of beet juice, and 100 ml of cucumber juice
Tonsillitis treatment using Banafsha Flowers
Banafsha flowers, botanically known as Viola odorata, are beneficial in the treatment of tonsillitis. About 12 gm of these flowers should be boiled in 50 ml of milk. This milk should be taken hot after being filtered. The filtered banafsha can also be lightly fried in clarified butter and worn round the throat as a poultice at night
Tonsillitis treatment using Fenugreek Seeds
A gargle made from fenugreek seeds is very effective in severe cases of tonsillitis. To make such a gargle, two tablespoons of fenugreek seeds should be allowed to simmer for half an hour in a litre of water and then set aside to cool. The entire quantity should be used the same day as a soothing gargle. It will have beneficial results
Remedy for Tonsillitis
Keep in mind that tonsillitis should not be treated lightly and while tonsillitis treatment with home remedies and natural methods may be helpful, medical attention is absolutely necessary. Methods of home treatment can be used as complimentary treatment to facilitate healing and provide relief.
Tonsillitis treatment using Salt water
The best way to prevent tonsil stones is to gargle with salt water. This simple home remedy not only helps in removing the tonsil stones but it also prevents the growth of additional stones. This salt water gargle helps in cleaning out the crypts and food particles lodged inside, thereby arresting the development of new tonsil stones.
Tonsillitis treatment using Chamomile
Chamomile tea along with honey and lemon is a great home remedy for providing relief from the symptoms of tonsillitis.
Tonsillitis treatment using Figs
A paste can be prepared from water and boiled figs and this paste can be applied externally on the throat area to provide a cooling and soothing effect.
Tonsillitis treatment using Alum
Purified alum can be used for gargling or powdered alum can be applied over the tonsils to reduce the inflammation.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Home remedy for food poisoning
As part of our body's brilliant design, it will begin to send out antibodies to fight the invasion. We should minimize other activities in order to allow our body to heal itself.
We should also abstain from any solid food for twenty-four hours so that we don't place un needed burden on our digestive system.
Sipping on warm water with added lemon juice will not only be soothing, but it will also assist in the cleansing of our system and fight infection.
An Ayurvedic remedy is to combine 1 tsp black pepper, 2 cloves of garlic, 1 tbsp of cumin seeds, and a little sea salt in 4 cups of water. Boil this mixture until it reduces to 2 cups. Sip on this three times daily to cleanse and treat diarrhea.
Chinese herbalism suggests chewing on ginger to ease nausea. Alternatively, sipping on ginger tea would have the same desired effect.
Sipping on tea can be of great benefit to your system. It will keep you hydrated and at the same time help with various symptoms. For example, comfrey root and meadowsweet tea will help to treat infection and relieve symptoms.
Arrowroot or slippery elm tea can soothe the digestive tract and help restore bowel health. Licorice tea will help to flush out toxins. Nausea can also increase in intensity if we are stressed, so chamomile tea will not only help to ease digestion and reduce inflammation, it can also induce calmness and even sleep.
Aromatherapy can also assist in our recovery. Spray chamomile oil into the air or rub into the temples to calm and ease symptoms. Lavender oil can be rubbed into the abdomen to reduce any spasms and to help encourage healing. Bergamot on a cold cloth and placed on the head will reduce any fever.
In cases where there is diarrhea with a burning sensation, vomiting and a craving for cold drinks, red phosphorus can help. Phosphorus is obtained from bone ash and can also treat anxieties and fears.
If you wish to induce vomiting to expel the poison, drinking cider vinegar with some warm water will do this.
Travelling
Some individuals fear contracting food poisoning when travelling. Strong spices like cayenne, curry and turmeric have preventive properties against food poisoning and can be added to food and water.
Bringing superfoods, MSM powder, green powders, and vitamin C will give your body extra strength to fight whatever you might come into contact with. Oregano oil is also great to have with you as it is known for its ability to stop infections.
Taking bentonite clay can be used to remove all the toxins and harmful waste and buildup in our bodies. Additionally, it can resolve digestive distress.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Football's bizarre injury treatments
Football's bizarre injury treatments
By Dominic Raynor
By Dominic Raynor
Crocked Arsenal striker Robin Van Persie is set to have horse placenta massaged into his damaged ankle by a Serbian housewife in a bid to speed up his recovery from a ligament injury, but he is not the only footballer to turn to an alternative remedy. Here we look at some of the more weird treatments.
GOATS' BLOOD
GettyImagesGermany legend Jurgen Klinsmann: One of Dr Muller-Wolfhart's former patients
St Johnstone striker Peter MacDonald approached Bayern Munich's club medic Dr. Hans-Wilhelm Müller-Wohlfahrt for a little help in recovering from a troublesome hamstring injury and was prescribed a course of goats' blood injections.
"The specialist said my hamstring was too tight and I had goats' blood injections. That's the best for loosening it off," a grateful MacDonald explained.
As well as injecting animal blood Muller-Wolfhart, who is also the doctor for the German national team, claims that an extract from the crest of cockerels, called Hylart, can help lubricate knee injuries and take away the pain. He counts Michael Owen, Jurgen Klinsmann and Arjen Robben amongst his former patients.
VIAGRA
When Bolivian football team Blooming struggled to perform at altitude when playing away in La Paz the club's physiotherapist Rodrigo Figueroa prescribed Viagra to cure their ills.
The physio reasoned that as the sex drug is designed to improve blood flow it could also help players cope with the difficulties of playing at more than 3,500m above sea level. "We prescribed it for several players, especially those who suffered most from altitude," Figueroa explained.
Viagra is not on the banned substance list and has reportedly been game tested by a number of South American clubs during Copa Libertadores matches at high altitude.
THE TOOTH
Following a season-and-a-half of teething problems in English football £13.5 million Chelsea winger Florent Malouda finally hit form at the start of the 2009-10 season and later revealed that a trip to the dentist had cured him of his malaise.
The Frenchman finally got to the root of his troubles when he had his wisdom teeth removed, which helped to clear up some lingering niggles and muscle problems.
Since Malouda's wonder cure a number of other footballers have gone under the dentist's knife, including placenta loving Van Persie. "My osteopaths think there may be a connection between my teeth and the muscle injuries I suffer," the Dutchman said.
BABY REPAIR KIT
According to a report in the Sunday Times a number of Premier League footballers have taken the highly unusual step of storing stem cells from their newborn babies to use in case they suffer career-threatening injuries.
The process involves freezing cells taken from the umbilical cord blood of their babies and can be used to treat - and even possibly cure - cartilage and ligament problems.
An anonymous player explained: "We decided to store our new baby's stem cells for possible future therapeutic reasons... as a footballer, if you're prone to injury it can mean the end of your career, so having your stem cells - a repair kit if you like - on hand makes sense."
VOODOO v SHAMANISM
When a voodoo priest named Pepe revealed in the Spanish press that had been hired to use his black-magic to injure £80 million Real Madrid star Cristiano Ronaldo, who was subsequently sidelined with ankle knack, a number of magicians stepped forward to cure the winger.
A Portuguese wizard, named Fernando Nogueira, took first crack at healing his countryman but the winger remained sidelined despite Nogueira's sorcery and Pepe responded by increasing the strength of his spell.
A band of Peruvian shamans were next to try and lift the injury curse and gathered outside the Spanish Embassy in Lima to perform a cleansing ritual, involving a bizarre combination of swords and maracas, but Ronaldo remained sidelined.
FAITH HEALING
Former England player and manager Glenn Hoddle maintained an unshakeable belief in faith healing after Eileen Drewery nursed him through injury while he was a young player at Tottenham Hotspur.
Hoddle hired the housewife as a consultant during the 1998 World Cup to cure the players of a range of physical and psychological ailments, but unfortunately the squad did not share his belief and his authority was undermined.
Hoddles devotion to spiritualism, love and forgiveness may have kept him free from injury but it didn't keep him in a job; he was sacked in 1999.
Very Strange advice on HIV
A Zimbabwean senator has given a bizarre prescription to the country's high HIV prevalence rate. Senator Morgan Femai of the Movement for Democratic Change (MDC) led by Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai says women must bath less frequently, shave-off their hair, dress shabbily and get circumcised to make them less attractive to men.
Footnote: need to educate my children from now or they may become him....
Footnote: need to educate my children from now or they may become him....
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